WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE’S DYING
HOW-TO GUIDES
a beginner's guide to the end: practical advice for living life and facing death (book)
This book by hospice physician B.J. Miller and journalist and caregiver Shoshana Berger "offers everything from step-by-step instructions for how to do your paperwork and navigate the healthcare system to answers to questions you might be afraid to ask your doctor, like whether or not sex is still okay when you're sick. Get advice for how to break the news to your employer, whether to share old secrets with your family, how to face friends who might not be as empathetic as you'd hoped, and how to talk to your children about your will. (Don't worry: if anyone gets snippy, it'll likely be their spouses, not them.) There are also lessons for survivors, like how to shut down a loved one's social media accounts, clean out the house, and write a great eulogy."
sacred passage: how to provide fearless, compassionate care for the dying (book)
“Working as an emergency room nurse, Margaret Coberly came in contact with death on a daily basis. However, it wasn't until her own brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer that she realized she understood very little about the emotional and spiritual aspects of caring for the terminally ill. To fill this gap she turned to the unique wisdom on death and dying found in Tibetan Buddhism. In this book, Coberly offers sound, practical advice on meeting the essential needs of the dying, integrating stories from her long career in nursing with useful insights from the Tibetan Buddhist teachings.”
awake at the bedside: contemplative teachings on palliative and end-of-life care (book)
“This book isn't about dying. It's about life and what life has to teach us. It's about caring and what giving care really means. In Awake at the Bedside, pioneers of palliative and end-of-life care as well as doctors, chaplains, caregivers and even poets offer wisdom that will challenge, uplift, comfort--and change the way we think about death. Equal parts instruction manual and spiritual testimony, it includes specific instructions and personal accounts to inspire, counsel, and teach. An indispensable resource for anyone involved in hospice work or caregiving of any kind.”
mettle health: active dying and the final days of life (video)
“We had the pleasure of a guest host for our discussion on all things end of life yesterday. Claritza Rios, a dedicated physician with extensive experience in emergency and internal medicine, as well as palliative care, led the discussion on active dying, and what to know about death. We talked about recognizing the signs of active dying, sitting vigil and considerations around morphine among many other practical pieces of information.”
the inspired funeral (site)
“Wisdom for all phases of the end of life, plus an obituary platform, and funeral ceremony templates to download.”
alua arthur: going with grace (site)
“To relieve the burden created without proper end of life support, Going with Grace exists to support people as they answer the question “What must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may die gracefully?” and to support family members in completing the affairs of their loved one’s life after a death.”
PALLIATIVE & HOSPICE CARE
national institute on aging: what are palliative care and hospice care? (site)
“Many Americans die in facilities such as hospitals or nursing homes receiving care that is not consistent with their wishes. To make sure that doesn't happen, older people need to know what their end-of-life care options are and state their preferences to their caregivers in advance.”
hospice foundation of america: what is hospice? (site)
“Hospice is: Medical care to help someone with a terminal illness live as well as possible for as long as possible, increasing quality of life. An interdisciplinary team of professionals who address physical, psychosocial, and spiritual distress focused on both the dying person and their entire family. Care that addresses symptom management, coordination of care, communication and decision making, clarification of goals of care, and quality of life.”
webmd: what is hospice care? (article)
“Some people might think using hospice means they're giving up. Others may worry that they won’t get the medical care they need. But the service simply focuses on the quality of your life instead of trying to cure a disease.”
DEATH DOULAS
Credit goes to my friend Celeste who, when describing what she wished she’d had when her mom died said to me, “If only there were the same support options for elder death that you have with the birth of a child.” Later that night on a whim I googled “death” + “midwife” and was floored to find out it’s a thing (which immediately became the first entry on my kick-the-Bucket List).
Yours truly, Irreverent Rachel
new york times: death doulas provide aid at the end of life (article)
End-of-life doulas support people emotionally, physically, spiritually and practically: sitting vigil, giving hand massages, making snacks.
aarp: learn to serve the dying (article)
“Many end-of-life doulas, also known as death midwives, say they complement the care from hospitals, senior-care facilities and hospices, as well as fill in the gaps that occur during the dying process.”
usa today: death doulas provide support, comfort and a new option for the dying and their families (article)
“Death doulas, as they are also known, help someone at the end of their life with dying, just like birth doulas help at the beginning of life with the birthing process. A relatively new option for the dying and their families, death doulas began seeing a rise in popularity over the past few years after associations like INELDA began offering training.”
international end of life doula association (directory)
“Our doulas are trained to a high standard of professionalism. They know how to listen deeply; work with difficult and complex emotions; help you explore meaning and legacy; use a client-centered approach, and utilize guided imagery and ritual. Our doulas will provide you respite when you need it and assist you with the basic physical care. They will also explain the signs and symptoms you will witness as they support you through the last days, and then guide you through the early days of grieving.”
On the podcast:
WORDS OF WISDOM
lion’s roar: advice for someone who is dying (article)
“Today I have brought nothing material of any substance to offer you, only Dhamma, the teachings of the Buddha. Listen well. You should understand that even the Buddha himself, with his great store of accumulated virtue, could not avoid physical death. When he reached old age, he relinquished his body and let go of its heavy burden. Now you too must learn to be satisfied with the many years you’ve already depended on your body. You should feel that it’s enough.”
It feels a little funky to “review” a book about the most intimate detail of someone’s life, i.e. the end of it, while also knowing she is not around to correct any inaccuracies, or elaborate on her experience. That said, I am glad to recommend Cory Taylor’s Dying, A Memoir as an unflinching account of facing death, while contemplating cheating it.
Yours truly, Irreverent Rachel
dying: a memoir (book)
"At the age of sixty, Cory Taylor is dying of melanoma-related brain cancer. Her illness is no longer treatable: she now weighs less than her neighbor's retriever. As her body weakens, she describes the experience—the vulnerability and strength, the courage and humility, the anger and acceptance—of knowing she will soon die. Written in the space of a few weeks, in a tremendous creative surge, this powerful and beautiful memoir is a clear-eyed account of what dying teaches: Taylor describes the tangle of her feelings, remembers the lives and deaths of her parents, and examines why she would like to be able to choose the circumstances of her death."
ask the doctor with dr. lucy kalanithi (video)
"An incredible conversation with Dr. Lucy Kalanithi, widow of Dr. Paul Kalanithi and author of the best-selling book, 'When Breath Becomes Air.' She’ll discuss how doctors have a unique perspective on end of life and what they do to prepare differently."