AFTER THE LIFE
Between the two of us, my husband and I managed two estates through probate, purged and sold three homes, and held five end-of-life events for elders. Here’s what I find interesting: Despite the fact that all these people were born in the 1930s and therefore into an American death culture that embraced caskets and cemetery plots — not to mention some of them practicing Catholics — none of them wanted a formal funeral, and all of them chose to be cremated. That means we also learned a LOT about how NOT to distribute ashes (more to come but here’s a hint, that stuff doesn’t integrate into land or water easily). I want to acknowledge that many cultures and religions dictate the rituals for someone who has died, so much of what is here pertains to those of us who are starting from scratch, and developing a point of view on what feels right for you and yours.
Yours truly, Irreverent Rachel
END-OF-LIFE EVENTS
I have never forgotten this piece I heard on NPR fifteen years ago during one of my one-hour one-way work commutes. I was still a blissful six years away from appreciating the type of event to which it could be applied, but it gave me solace then, and still does now.
Your truly, Irreverent Rachel
you want a physicist at your funeral (NPR)
“Commentator Aaron Freeman isn't a person who does much planning ahead. However, if you like to look ahead to the future, he has some advice for you, advice on planning your funeral.”
cake: nine different types of funerals and memorial services (article)
While Cake’s thing is to encourage you to consider your own end-of-life preferences, you can use this to inform that same for your elders.
EXECUTORS & 'TRIXES
Based on my own Executrix experience I have SO much to say about what to encourage your elders NOT to do before they die, and how to set up an executor for success (instead of, hypothetically of course, for years of lawsuit stress). More to come.
Yours truly, Irreverent Rachel
cake: checklist - what an executor does (and doesn’t) do after death (article)
“It’s important that you understand what an executor must do (and not do) before you agree to be an executor. Once you agree to serve as an executor and the court approves, you cannot withdraw from your responsibilities unless the court gives you permission. You cannot do anything as executor until the person or people who named you in their will (the “testator”) dies. However, if you know that the testator named you in the will, it would be wise to discuss with the testator what your responsibilities as the executor of their estate might be. The more you know and understand what the testator wants and what property you will have to probate, it will make your job as executor a little easier.”
the executor’s guide: settling a loved one’s estate or trust (book)
“If you need to wrap up the affairs of a loved one who has died, you may feel overwhelmed—especially when you're grieving. But you can do it, and this book will show you how.”