Why family conversations are more important than paperwork

Death Over Dinner “How we want to die – represents the most important and costly conversation America isn’t having.”

The Conversation Project “It’s time to transform our culture so we shift from not talking about dying to talking about it.”

Being Mortal “[Atul Gawande] finds people who show us how to have the hard conversations and how to ensure we never sacrifice what people really care about.”

Anyone sensing a theme here?

These three resources form the foundation of the modern movement to talk about death in order to ensure a good one for the elder, and the loved ones left behind. (And my favorite serendipitous NPR driveway moment of the week is about how doctors don’t allow themselves to die like the rest of us do.)

To inform my offerings, I polled friends and family about their biggest fears and concerns and you can guess what the majority responded: Knowing they need to have the conversation. Putting off the conversation. Dreading the conversation. Wishing they already had the conversation. Procrastinating over how, when, and what to converse about.

Yes Virginia, there is a Starter Kit. There is an abundance, some better than others, and all are created with the same intent: Trying to prevent those entering the eldercare / end of life stage from suffering and stumbling by reinventing the wheel. (In the midst of emotional and financial chaos everyone seems to think theirs is the first elder to ever age.) 

But my parent figures depicted in this week’s anecdote had ALL their documents in order. And by not communicating their intentions, they opened the door for a lawsuit that undermined every single wish they had written down. 

As my fellow Sh*t S*ster Alyssa attests in our podcast conversation, pieces of paper are only effective if accompanied by open communication.

You know what to do.

Yours truly,

Irreverent Rachel